Now that Jack will be coming in about 2 months, I’ve had to start getting more things ready—including myself. I knew I wanted to be a mother since I was little girl. I am naturally good with most kids and have babysat since I was about 12. I love kids so much that I considered being a neonatal or an OB/GYN nurse. I am one of those naturally maternal women, I guess.
However, I am still terrified about having a baby sometimes. Unlike babysitting, I cannot give the baby back to its mom when something goes wrong—because I will be the mom! My husband and I will be responsible for another person for the rest our lives now. Our lives will change dramatically once he arrives too. And our family’s lives. And you never know—maybe our son will grow up and change the world! So, in a sense, the choices we make might affect EVERYTHING. How can I not be terrified sometimes?
I know things will work out and life unfolds the way it’s supposed to in the end. So I am still very excited to have a baby. These are just normal concerns that every parent has in the beginning. I wanted to read how other moms dealt with these fears, but could not find much on it. So I decided to share my concerns so some other mom can relate and relax.
|How am I supposed to have a baby when
these two already think they are my babies?
Lucky girls got to come in the house that day
because it was so cold…spoiled.
- Not knowing what to do: I just said I have good natural maternal instincts, but that doesn’t mean they are correct or will prevail every time. There is not one specific thing I am afraid I will do wrong, more like everything. The basics like nursing, bathing, dressing, sleeping, and playing. And complex things like discipline, morals, and education. Also, arbitrary things like what if his hair isn’t curly like Michael’s like I want or he isn’t interested in science like us? What can I do to calm these fears? Get educated so I can make informed decisions, first of all. I can also ask for help from my family or a professional anytime I am overwhelmed. Other than that, there is nothing much I can do besides stay calm and wait them out.
- Postpartum Depression: I have had some depression problems in the past, and worry if I will have depression again after Jack is born. I know that some baby blues after birth is normal because rapidly changing hormones. I know all the signs and will seek out help right away if feel it is more than the normal baby blues. But I worry how it will affect my ability to be a good mother. My friend from High School recently did a post on her blog Oregon Domesticated about her experience with postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. I remember her as very bright and bubbly person. And her daughters are both beautiful. So I was shocked when I read the story, I would have never guessed it would happen to her. She is an example of how someone can look so happy but is actually struggling on the inside. I really applaud her getting help and sharing her story for other moms.
- How My Cats Will React: Before I started dating Michael, I was pretty lonely. So what does a lonely single girl do? Get cats! They are both my babies. When I brought them from Hawaii after graduation, I had to leave them in Oregon for a year while I got settled in California. The day I left I told them the great Lilo and Stitch quote, “Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” I meant that for life. I chose to take-in these cats, and that means I need to care for them no matter what. These girls are pretty spoiled and get a lot of snuggles every day. I know this will change when Jack comes. And for awhile, they might not get much attention at all while I establish a routine. I already feel bad about that 🙁 And I worry how they will treat Jack. When I bring him home, I will show him to them so they know what that weird smell/sound is, but after than I plan to keep them pretty separate for awhile for his safety (not a problem because they live in a back room not attached to the main house). They are both nice cats, but you never know how an animal will react to a new person. Let alone one that is taking all their mommy’s attention. I will just have to keep on eye on them and see how they behave. And the picture above, that is actually how I woke-up from a nap, paw on my face and all.
- Junk Food: I mentioned in my Will Your Baby Be Vegan? post that Michael and I compromised on what the baby will eat. In order to respect each other’s wishes, the baby will be allowed to try all types of healthy foods and make his own choice when he is old enough. I know Michael respects me and if I say do not feed our child that meat/dairy today, he will comply. And I will not get upset if Michael asks if Jack can share some of his ice cream cone on occasion. But I am worried about other people feeding him things I do not want. Like either grandma giving him non-vegan cookies on a day when I want all vegan food. Then them telling me something like “It’s just a treat, I hardly ever to see him. Do not deprive me of loving my grandson!” I don’t want to fight with them over it, but I need people to respect my wishes too. I don’t want him to get used to eating junk and turn into a picky eater. My husband and his sisters were, and his mom admits that she wishes she did not cave into their demands so easily. I will not let Jack become a picky eater, but it will be harder if people undermine me all the time. There is not much I can do to stop this (other than tell the grandmas they can’t see Jack if they only feed him junk, which is very mean). I will just have to be open and direct (while still polite) with people.