Advice For My Sister-In-Law

In a few short weeks, Jack is going to have a little cousin to play with! My sister-in-law is expecting her first child, a little girl. They are going to be wonderful parents, and that little princess is going to be very well-loved by the whole family.

When I was buying presents for the baby shower a few months ago, I tried not to buy them frivolous things. Just the stuff that I didn’t even think needing before Jack was born. That got me to thinking about the stuff I wish I would have known before I had a baby. Rather than just lecture her to death over this, I’d thought I’d make a post so she can read it as she needs. And any other mom can share in the advice to.

Advice For My Sister-In-Law:

Labor and Delivery

  • Childbirth is a pain you cannot compare to anything else. I am not even going to try to explain or compare it. It’s something unique and you need to experience to understand. But the phrase hurts like a mother f**ker doesn’t even begin to explain it. And I had an epidural!
  • But you will feel like a goddess for doing it. A gross, sweaty, fat, exhausted goddess. But a goddess nonetheless! You created a life! You are superhero!!
  • Listen to your body. Trust that your body knows how to do this (because it actually does!). If something doesn’t feel right, tell someone. I did not want to lay flat on my back during labor because it didn’t feel right. So, despite the doctor insisting, I stayed on my side because Jack and I were just fine. Later on the pain was different and I wanted to be on my back, suddenly Jack started to crown. My body knew what to do and I am glad I trusted it. This also includes if something doesn’t feel right. Tell your nurse immediately if you even have the slightest bad feeling. Be your own advocate.
  • Don’t be upset if your birth plan doesn’t work out. All that matters is your baby is healthy. Vaginal unassisted, epidural, induction, planned c-section, emergency c-section—all just semantics.  I suggest having a good birth plan so you know how to be your own advocate and can make informed decisions when issue arise. My birth plan went out the window as soon as I was admitted. I just stayed focused on my baby and everything worked out fine.
  • Bring snacks for your husband. Whether your labor be quick or slow, it will be hours  before he can walk away to get food. You are really going to need his support and he is gonna need his strength to do so.
  • Bring something to pull your hair back. Hair ties, headbands, scarves or whatever. Not only will hair in your face piss you off, it might get in the way of medical procedures. I had to put my hair up for the epidural and when the they put the oxygen mask on my face.
  • Push like you have to poop. Seriously. Push like you have to take the biggest poop of your life. I did not get pushing until a nurse said this to me two hours later. Save yourself the trouble, do it from the start. And if you actually poop in the process, that’s okay. The doctors and nurses have seen it all before!
  • If there is not a medical emergency, demand skin to skin contact right away. Pop that baby out and plop it on your chest right away! It is one of the most magical moment in your life. This tiny human that you made will know who are instantly and snuggle up. This time is also important as it helps regular baby’s temperature, breathing, and heart. And encourage the needs to nurse. And if by some chance you can’t do it, have your husband do it. Tell him to take his shirt off and snuggle that baby as soon as possible. Your baby needs that comfort!
  • Try breastfeeding as soon as possible too.  Not that you can’t do it if you don’t try right away, but you will have a higher success rate the soon you try.
  • No visitors until baby and you are situated in the postpatrum room. Your needs that family bonding time. A visitor will interrupt your skin to skin contact and breastfeeding time. They will want to hold the baby and hog up this vital time. No offensive to them, I know they probably mean well, but this is not their place. The only thing that baby needs is mama and papa for the first hour or two. Everyone else can wait. And if they aren’t respecting this, call security. And I am so not kidding, they need to respect your wishes bottom line. Everyone respected this for me so there was no issue. My mom while Jack (followed by Michael) went to the nursery for testing. She helped me get situated in my postpartum room, which was a really nice bonding experience for us. Once Jack came back to me and we had a few more nursing attempts, then I invited the rest of family to come see.

Hospital Stay Advice

  • You will probably get little rest at the hospital. Between the nurses come to check on both of you and the baby wanting to nurse all the time, it’s exhausting. But try to rest as much as you can. I regret not sleeping more the first day so much. I was excited to show off my baby to everyone, despite being exhausted. Don’t be afraid to visitors out when you are ready to sleep. Like I said, they need to respect your wishes bottom line. No one was rude and stayed later than I wanted, I just should have asked them to leave sooner.
  • Going to the bathroom for the first time after birth is scary. Everything hurts down there (and if you had a c-section, the incision hurts when you walk too) and you will probably be exhausted. I’m pretty sure I looked like Bambi walking for the first time, I was so glad the nurse goes with you. The nurse will show you how to wash and clean yourself (especially if you have stitches). Take your time, listen to the instructions, and let them help you. I was still a little numb and needed my nurse to help me do everything.
  • Don’t be scared by the giant pads and mesh panties. They will probably put them on you right after birth. I was so fixated on Jack that I didn’t even notice. But I was horrified when I saw I was wearing a GIGANTIC pad. I had heard about them but they were way bigger than I Imagined. They are really more like open diapers. But once I saw how much blood had come out of me, it made sense and I got over it. And the mesh panties—they totally do not look like the ones stripper’s wear. They are more like mesh shorts. But they are soooo comfy and easy to put on. I took a few pairs with me when I left and wore them for the next few days until I was less sore and less bloated. Embrace them, they are amazing.
  • Eat everything you can. Once you relax and your appetite comes back, you are probably going to be starving. Eat all you can! Eat the food the hospital gives you. Demand your family bring you something from your favorite restaurant. Pack plenty of snacks. You just burned as many calories as a climbing a mountain. Stuff your face, you earned it! Plus proper nutrition will help you milk come in.
The Fourth Trimester (The first three months postpartum)
  • Limit visitors for the first two weeks after birth. This is my biggest regret after Jack was born. Too many came over the first few days and I got very very overwhelmed. I was beyond exhausted and ended up crying after people left one day. And Jack wasn’t happy either. He just wanted to be held by me and nurse, most visits ended with him screaming. It also interfered with us getting nursing down quickly. My advice is after immediate family has their initial meeting, close off visitation for two weeks to give everyone time to settle in.
  • Do not accept uninvited visitors. It doesn’t matter than Aunt So-and-so happens to be in town and wants to see the baby. It’s not about her! She is a grown up who will get over it and can come see the baby later. If you let her come over, I guarantee other people will think that mean it’s an open invitation for everyone to come whenever. Or they will get mad they didn’t get special treatment and cause drama. Spare yourself, you have enough to worry about. So when Auntie knocks on the door, ignore it.
  • Require people to either bring food or do a chore for you if they want to see the baby. I read this piece of advice before I gave birth and thought it was rude. How could I ask my guests to do that? After Jack was born I got it. They aren’t guest, you just had a baby and have no reason to play host to them. You are doing them a favor to see the baby, so they should be paying you back for your generosity. When they contact you about coming to visit and you approve a set time, ask them to help you by bringing food. Even if it’s just a loaf of bread or a cake. You will be so happy to eat a big piece of cake when you are nursing the next night at 2 AM. Or, ask them when they show up if they can please throw the load of laundry in the dryer while you nurse the baby first? That way the baby will be content and you will be free to chat instead of running around. Please you shouldn’t be running around, you need to recover. Your  visitors should understand that. And if they chose not to come when you ask them this, that person isn’t nice and shouldn’t be around your baby.
  • Don’t be afraid to kick visitors out. If you are tired, baby needs to nurse, or you are simply just annoyed, tell your visitors good-bye. Thank them for coming and let them wave bye to baby, then kick them out. And if they won’t leave, take the baby into another room and don’t come out until they are gone. It’s not rude, you are doing what is best for your family. It’s rude that they didn’t respect your wishes!
  • You don’t have to listen to every piece of advice. You are going to get a ton of advice. Some good, some bad. Some wanted, and some very unwanted. Listen to it, and say thanks for sharing. If you like it, give it a try. If not, forget it and never give it a second thought. This includes my advice.
  • Hold your baby, hold your baby, hold your baby!!! I know I said please to ignore advice you don’t like, but please listen to this one. You cannot spoil a baby this young. Please hold your baby all you want. Your baby only has a few needs the first few months, and your comfort is one of them. Don’t listen to people who say you should let your baby cry it out and learn to not be held. It’s horrible advice, your baby will become very stressed out and not develop properly. I also suggest babywearing, they make some very simple carriers that are easy for anyone to use. Or give woven wraps a try, I love mine.
  • You are going to get very little sleep. Between all the feedings, diaper changes, and taking care of yourself—sleep will become a luxury. And of course try to sleep when the baby sleeps, but you will probably spend it worrying the baby is breathing.
  • Breastfeeding is hard. While it is the most natural thing your body can do, it doesn’t come naturally to most women. You will need a lot of time, patience, knowledge, and support to be successful. It might hurt, your baby might gave tongue or lips ties that need to be surgically addressed, or you might have a medical reason interfering. All that being said, breastfeeding will become natural overtime. Now I can nurse Jack anywhere, anytime. I love Jack and I breastfeeding relationship, it’s such a powerful bond.
  • But don’t give up when it gets hard. But with the proper help, you CAN overcome most issues. It might not be easy and it might not be a quick fix, but keep going. I almost gave up 3 weeks in, but I turned to La Leche League’s website and gained the knowledge to overcome our struggles. Do everything possible. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else. Keep trying, you CAN do it!
  • Join La Leche League. Or some other breastfeeding support group. You don’t have to struggle alone. Do you know why the official book or La Leche is called “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding”? Because breastfeeding is an art! You need to be taught by someone with experience on how to do it and talk to your peers on how to advance your knowledge. Obstacles will come up that will blindside you, your fellow lactating mothers will talk you through it.
  • If breastfeeding doesn’t work out, that’s okay too. After you have given it your all and you realize breastfeeding just won’t work for you, it’s okay to switch to formula. Your baby will still thrive. You didn’t’ fail, you just tried something that didn’t work. All that matters is your baby is fed and happy.
  • Don’t look at the clock or follow a schedule for nursing.  “Your baby should nurse 15-20 minutes every 2-3 hours.” THIS IS THE BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP EVER! Most babies do not nurse like this. Nurse your baby whenever they show you hunger cues (rooting, hand sucking, fussiness) and nurse them as long as they want (and you are comfortable).  The best advice I ever got was “Never unlatch a suckling baby”.  Who cares if it’s been 45 minutes, your baby needs it. Even if they are not eating that whole time, they are comfort nursing—which is just as important as eating. It stimulates your milk production and comforts your baby. However, if your baby keeps popping off after a minute or two, make sure you at least keep trying to latch your baby for 15 minutes. Likewise, if it’s been more than 4 hours without your baby nursing (like they are sleeping), latch them on and get them fed. There isn’t really a thing as too much nursing, but they can nurse too little. That’s the only time you should watch the clock.
  • Give yourself time to heal.  The first few weeks the only things you should be doing sitting on the couch nursing your baby or laying in bed nursing your baby. Nothing else. Cooking, cleaning, work, etc.—that all can wait. You are gonna be sore ALL over. You are going to be exhausted. You are going to be worried about your baby constantly. Just sit down, hold your baby, and rest.
  • Don’t worry about losing the baby weight quickly.  Odds are you will not be that one out of a million woman who looks exactly like she did before she got pregnant right after birth. But that’s okay. Just focus on caring for year newborn and healing yourself. Once you are cleared by your doctor, start taking some small steps back like walking with your baby and eating a healthy diet. It took 9 months to gain it, give yourself at least 9 months to get it off before you go crazy. I have lost all my baby weight plus 7 pounds by doing nothing but eat whatever I want within reason that is healthy, walk and nurse. And I’m only 8 months postpartum.
Other Stuff that I can’t explain, but you will understand soon enough:
  • You are going to love your husband even more now.  
  • You are going to love your mom even more now too. 
  • You are going to be a different person from now on. 
  • Your body will never be the same, but you will respect it’s power. 

Traveling Baby Part 2: Airplane

Next in my traveling baby posts is airplanes. After my major fail from Jack’s first road trip, you can imagine I was very nervous about flying with him a only few weeks later. My parents wanted us to visit and I was invited to a sorority sister’s wedding reception, so I figured it was worth a flight. When I told my mom the dates we were coming, she was sad it was only for the weekend. I was still on maternity leave, but Michael had to work and couldn’t take that much time off. Then my mom pleaded that I come up with Jack first, then Michael joins us for the weekend. So now I had to brave flying ALONE with a baby!

I was hellbent on avoiding this again at all costs.

I came up with a good plan and was hellbent on executing it properly this time. Jack is the least fussy in the morning so we picked an early flight. Jack is young enough that he doesn’t need his own seat either, so I didn’t need to worry lugging a carseat along too (my parents bought one to keep there for when we visit). I wanted to get to the gate about an hour early so didn’t have to rush but wasn’t waiting around getting anxious. I wanted plenty of time to change him, nurse him, and maybe get in a short nap if needed. Plus you know get through security and such. And I knew I needed to wear him in the Boba Wrap through the airport to keep him calm and happy. I chose the Boba over my woven wrap because I can pop him in and out easily. I was advised by my La Leche League to nurse him during takeoff and landing to help with his ear pressure. And they also told me it’s required he be out of the wrap during flight for safety, so make sure I bring a pillow or something for him to sleep on (and not kill my arms). I planned to take my time getting off and get him back in the wrap, to keep Jack calm and happy. Then walk off, hug mom and dad, then jump in the car back to their house. For the flight home, it was later in the afternoon—after Jack’s nap time—so I figured a similar protocol would work. Get there with just enough time, wear him, nurse him on the plane, hope he sleeps, and not rush getting off the plane. Plus this time I would have Michael to help.

Wear your baby through the airport! 

Then the day came. We got up early that morning, but let Jack continue to sleep. Just when I finished getting ready, he woke up and we got him ready too. There was traffic getting the airport, but we planned for that so we had plenty of time. We parked, got Jack in the wrap, got our tickets, said good-bye, and went to security. By that time Jack was asleep. I calmly went through security to my gate.

First class his first flight!

As I was waiting at the gate, they kept offering upgrades to first class for only $50….so I texted Michael and he said I could treat myself. I was so excited! I know that families travelling with infants board first anyways, but it was nice to board with first class. The minute I stepped on the plane, one flight attendant was eyeing my baby.  She offered to hold him while I got situated. I know some people might be worried about letting a stranger hold their baby, but I wasn’t too concerned. I figured she must be a mom herself and knew the troubles of travelling with a baby. And she wasn’t going to hurt him because she probably wanted to keep her job. Plus, it’s not like she could run off with him, we were stuck in a metal tube! I was nervous about how the person sitting next to me would react to a baby. It was a middle-aged man on a business trip. As he getting out his laptop, he noticed Jack. He said “Hi little guy!” So I faced Jack towards him and said “Hi, I’m Jack! I’m only 4-months-old and this is my first flight, I apologize if it doesn’t go well.” He smiled and said, “No problem Jack, I remember what 4-month-olds can be like.” I was relieved.

He met this pilots and got his wings!

Then something awesome happened! The flight attendant told me bring Jack to the cockpit to meet the pilots before the doors sealed. So I quickly brought him up there and we snapped a photo. Then they gave him his wings and a certificate. I showed them to Jack and he just tried to suck on them, but I was so excited for him!

Tired from screaming and playing with his toy.

Shortly after I got back to my seat, we began to taxi. I put Jack on the nursing pillow and began to nurse him. He was all happy until we began to pick up speed. He began to scream once we lifted up. I kept trying to latch him on, but he wasn’t having it. Five minutes later, I gave up and sat him up. He calmed down instantly and reached for his toy in the bag. Duh, he is a very alert baby. He likes action. He wasn’t mad about taking off, he was mad I wasn’t showing him the take off! He played with his toy for awhile, then made the milk face so I nursed him. Then he fell asleep and slept right through the landing. I waited there in my seat until half the plane left, then I gently woke him up. The flight attendant held him while I got my wrap on and bags together. Then we happily walked off the plane.

I was surprised to only see my mom. My dad had to run into work for a bit. My mom doesn’t like driving to Portland so we had to take the MAX home. Jack fussed a little on the train, but I just nursed him to sleep.

The rest of the trip was great, got to see friends and sorority sisters I haven’t seen in years. And Jack got lots of grandparent time. Michael joined us that Friday too.

He had a solid hour nap on the plane.

The flight home went just as well. We got to the airport with just enough time (I love that there is hardly any traffic in Oregon). I wore him through security and everything went smooth. No cheap offers on first class this time sadly. However, I decided to not take him out of the wrap this time. He was sound asleep and he needed a good nap. If the flight attendants asked me, I would of course comply. But we boarded, got comfy in our seats, and the plane took off. No one said anything. Every airline has a different policy on this so I looked up Alaska’s beforehand and they indeed to do not allow babies to be in carriers during flight. They either need to held or in a carseat in separate seat. I am not advocating breaking any airlines policies or saying the crew didn’t do their jobs. But it worked this one time, and I am glad I got away with it. Jack needed that nap. To be honest, I probably won’t do that again now that he’s older anyways.

He couldn’t just wait until we landed…

He woke up halfway through the flight, so I took him out of the wrap. He was all happy and very interested in looking out the window. Then, he farted really loud and we knew he pooped his diaper. Really kid, you couldn’t wait a little bit longer until we were back in San Jose? Some airplanes do not have changing tables, and I didn’t want to risk hauling Jack and the diaper bag all the way to the bathroom for nothing. So I changed Jack on Michael’s lap quickly. The guy next to Michael was asleep and Jack’s poop didn’t smell yet. Plus, I did it so quick I doubt anyone noticed.

He loved looking out the window!

I tried to nurse him as we descended, but once again he wasn’t having it. So I sat him up and showed him stuff out the window. Look Jack! There’s the Bay! There’s 280! Oh, there’s the Santa Cruz Mountains! Oh, right there baby, is Loma Prieta were a big earthquake came from! There’s Gilroy where all the garlic is! and etc. I’m sure I sounded like a crazy lady, but it made Jack happy. And we landed with no screaming or tears.

We got our bags and met my sister-in-law out front. It all went very well and I have no more worries about flying with a baby anymore. Hopefully he stays this good as a toddlers…

Here is my advice for flying with a baby under 6-months-old:

  • Plan for every possible scenario. Too hot, too cold, running late, running early, flight cancelled, sick baby, sick parents, tired baby, tired parents & etc. And expect that one of these WILL happen. That way you aren’t stressed out when it does happen. I didn’t panic when my mom said we had to take MAX instead because I kept that option in mind. I didn’t panic when he pooped, because I knew that the pressure might upset his tummy. 
  • But don’t over pack. Have back up things in your diaper bag or carry on, like extra diapers and clothes for sure. But don’t bring unnecessary stuff. If your bag is too full, you won’t be able to find stuff easily. And it will be a pain to lug around an airport while holding a baby. 
  • Don’t rush, leave plenty of time in case something does happen—like Bay Area traffic. No one wants to be that person running to the gate with a screaming baby. Horrible way to start or end your vacation.
  • Wear your baby. If you only remember one thing from this post, make it this. Whether it be a wrap, ring sling, soft structured carrier, buckle carrier, mei tai, or any other type—get that baby on you so you can easily move about the busy airport handsfree. 
  • Take care of your babies needs right away. Keep them comfortable as possible to avoid a meltdown.  Feed, change, play and get them down for a nap as needed, don’t delay. Would you be happy sitting in your own pee for a whole plane ride? Or told you can have food as soon as we land when you are starving? I’d sure throw a tantrum too! This is why we changed Jack’s diaper right away. 
  • Try to plan with baby’s schedule in mind.  That way there is even less chance of a meltdown. We flew around times that Jack naps so he could sleep most of the ride. It worked very well. 
  • Ask for help if you need it.  If that nice flight attendant offers to hold your baby while you sit down, let them. If the person next to you asks if you need help getting a bottle from your bag, accept it. Don’t stress yourself out doing it alone. 
  • Help baby with ear pressure. Nursing, a bottle, pacifier, or anything else they can suck during takeoff and landing is a must. Jack was content with just sucking my finger—but he sucked hard, his ears must have really popped.
  • Keep in mind every baby is different. Jack didn’t want to nurse, but was happy looking at the window. Maybe your baby will need to nurse the whole flight. Maybe your baby will scream the whole time no matter what you do.  All of this is okay, so don’t panic if your baby doesn’t cooperate. 
  • Upgrade to first class if you can afford it. And I mean only if you can afford it, don’t go broke because I told you it’s better. But it really was nicer. More room, free snacks and drinks, and just overall more relaxing with a baby. 

Traveling Baby Part 1: Road trip

Our family is lucky enough to have people who love us all over world. Seriously, we have family and friend all over the United States, Australia, New Zealand, The Middle East, and South America. Michael and I love to travel, and are very excited to take Jack on many adventures. I tried to find blogs from other mom’s about traveling with a baby, but most of them were for ones over 6-months-old. I wanted to know what it was like traveling with a baby that can’t even sit up yet. So I hope this post helps someone who is up at midnight the night before a trip with their very little one and finds some relief.

This will be a three part post. Next will be air travel, then traveling without baby for the first time.

For the Fourth of July weekend, we went up to Michael’s sister’s house just outside Sacramento. To avoid the insane traffic from the people heading that way to Lake Tahoe, we decided to leave at 8 PM Wednesday night. Jack goes to bed around that time and usually can fall asleep in the car easily. So, I thought we would get him all ready for bed, put him in the car drowsy and he’d be asleep by the time we hit the freeway. Then he would sleep for the 2 or so hours there, wake for a feeding when we take him out, and then he’ll go right back to bed for the night.  We did something similar when we went to Sonoma for the day. He slept most of the way their so I thought this would be just as easy.

He was good and sleepy, so we got in the car.

Wrong. I was so wrong. So very wrong. I blame my husband for his one entirely. I told him very clearly that we need to leave as soon as I am done nursing Jack, while he is still sleepy. I thought I made it clear we had a small window of drowsiness to get to the freeway to lull him to sleep. I told him to pack the entire car and have everything ready to go while I got Jack ready for bed. So I took him the bath and Michael started packing. I thought all he had to do was put the bags in, feed the cats, and get in the car. Well, once Jack was all ready for bed and nursed to drowsy Michael was still running around. I told him we needed to leave and got in the car. I waited 10 minutes in the car and was getting mad. Jack lost his drowsiness and was WIDE AWAKE. Once Michael finally got in the car, he tells me we need to go drop the garage door opener off at his other sister’s house so she can feed the cats while we are gone. I was very mad. Why didn’t you tell me to do this before!!!! So by the time we drove down the street to her house, Jack was overtired and screaming.  I pulled out a bottle to try to calm him and began to sing to him.

Daddy took too long and now I’m wide awake.

Once were on the freeway, we instantly hit a ton of traffic. Stupid Tahoe traffic…. It took an hour for Jack to fall asleep. I know he would have fallen despite the traffic if we had left when he was drowsy. So between the traffic and being mad at my husband, I was really stressed out and did not want to be stuck in a car for 3 hours. Michael apologized and explained he didn’t understand why I was adamant we leave so quickly. But after seeing how Jack reacted, he got it.

This last about 35 minutes.

So I calmed down and decided to close my eyes for a bit .Then I saw little feet moving out the corner of my eye. He woke up! So I spent the next two hours trying to get him back to sleep. Nothing worked, he was wide awake and pissed off. He was crying and reaching out for me. I knew nothing was wrong, he just needed a calm place to go to sleep. But nothing was going to put him to sleep as long as we was in the seat. Of course as soon as we pulled up to the house, he was got quiet and calm. Michael quickly put the pack n’ play together while I swaddled and nursed him. He slept like an angel that night, only waking once at 5 AM.

Jack had a very fun first Independence Day otherwise. We drove to Lake Tahoe on Saturday to see some friends. Jack did better on that ride. He slept longer because we left right at his nap time. And this time we pulled over when he got crabby. I also brought toys to amuse him when he woke up. On Sunday when we left, he did better as well. There was less traffic so he slept more and only fussed when we were 15 minutes away from home.

Going home was a lot happier. I covered him
up to block the sun so he would sleep longer.

We learned so much from that trip so Jack is doing a lot better in the car now. He has been back to Sacramento and a bunch of other places since then. We will be attempting another night drive in a few weeks for a cousin’s wedding. It’s going to be about an 8 hour drive, I’m hoping that we execute this one properly. I’ll let you know how it goes.

My Advice for Road Trips:

  • Plan for everything to go wrong. That way it’s not stressful if it happens. I was so sure everything was going to work out great that I was not prepared for it to fall apart.
  • Make a plan and STICK TO IT. Improvising will only add stress to you and the baby. If you plan on putting the baby down sleeping in the car like I wanted to, make sure you actually are on the road so they actually go to sleep. I should have made sure everything was packed and done before I ever put Jack in the bath. I should have not put Jack in the car until Michael was in the car first. I should told him his sister didn’t need the garage door opener (she has a key to house she should could still get in) and made him just get on the freeway. I still believe it would have worked (or at least gone better) if we stuck to the plan.
  • Check traffic conditions. I didn’t check traffic until we hit a major backup. I thought for sure we would have missed all the commuters and people who left for Tahoe right after work. We would have taken a back road out the Bay Area and gotten on a different freeway if we had checked first. It probably would have cut 2 hours off our trip. Two hours less stress for Jack.
  • Pull over if baby gets too mad. I don’t know why I didn’t yell for Michael to pull over so I could comfort nurse him back to drowsy. Then he would have been happy and quiet stuck in traffic at least.
  • Bring more milk than you think you need. I only brought one 2 ounce bottle with us. Jack downed that pretty quick and wanted more. And he was even madder when there wasn’t more. I didn’t plan on him being awake and demanding milk! I should have either brought a bag from my freezer stash or just brought my pump to pump as needed in the car.
  • Keep the baby at a good temperature. I bundled Jack all up and once he started screaming, he was dripping in sweat. I ended up pulling off layers through the carseat to cool him down. Likewise, if you are blasting the AC to stay cool, make sure you are not freezing your baby. Try for one simple base layer then adding blankets as needed.
  • Bring entertainment. I also did not pack Jack any toys for the car because I assumed he would be asleep. So when he woke up and had nothing to do, he became bored. An angry baby that is also bored is never a good thing.
  • Bring something soothing. We gave Jack Michael’s old cell phone (deactivated most of the settings) so we can play soothing music for him. This didn’t help much driving that night since Jack was way overtired, but on most other road trips it helps lull him to sleep.

The Thing I Said I Would Never Do: Co-sleeping

I’ve mentioned before on here how I was trying to avoid co-sleeping—sharing a bed with the baby. I know that humans have done it for centuries and that many cultures around the world still do. My parents and my in-laws did it too. I even read about how to do it safely. But it really did not sound like it was for me. I am very particular about my sleep because I struggled with insomnia in the past. Plus, it just seemed so weird. I wanted to share my bed with my husband, not our child. I brought it up to Michael and he said he will do whatever makes me happy. So agreed Jack would sleep in his own bed every night.

Clockwise: On the monitor in his crib, on the monitor in
the bassinet, in his pack n play, and in his swing.

We bought Jack a lovely crib and fixed up the bassinet Michael used as baby. We also bought a Pack n Play for when we visit family and friends. And we got a swing second-hand from a friend. Jack had plenty of places to sleep, no need to even give co-sleeping a second thought. When Jack was born, he was pretty willing to sleep anywhere.

At the hospital, he was so tired it was like talking to a zombie.

We started putting him in his crib at first, but getting up 10 times a night got old fast. What we didn’t consider is that babies wake-up every 2-3 hours to nurse at night. And sometimes, even every 45 minutes. And we didn’t realize how exhausted we would be from the whole birth experience. Do you know how much it sucks to get up every hour when you are still sore from pushing a baby out? Do you know your husband will be a zombie from not being able to sleep much at the hospital? That went on for about a week before we decided to try something else.

Then we tired putting him in the crib for the first part of the night when he slept the longest, then after I nursed him sitting up in put bed and I put him in the bassinet next to me. So when he woke up again, all I had to do was reach over and pick him. It was so much easier, but we still weren’t getting enough good sleep some nights.

One day three weeks postpartum, I woke up very very sore. It hurt to sit up to nurse him. My mom mentioned to me that she loved nursing laying down because she could rest. So I laid him next to me on the couch and nursed him. He fell right asleep and stayed asleep next to me while I watched TV for 3 hours. It was great!

“I look like I’m sound asleep, but put me down and I will SCREAM!”

The next Monday Michael had to go back to work, meaning it was Jack and I alone for the first time. I was still tired and sore, so of course Jack decided he only wanted to sleep in my arms. I thought maybe I could just lay down with him in the twin bed in the nursery for a bit? So we tried and both went asleep easily. Two hours later we woke up very happy.

Right before he woke up from our first long nap together, so cute.

I talked to my mom about it and said explained again that it really was the only way she got any sleep in the beginning. But I was so worried about SIDS or him suffocating. She said that yes, tragic accidents do happen but she did it with me—and I am still alive. The next day I decided to try again with his afternoon nap, but this time in our queen-sized bed.The next thing I knew Michael was walking in the door and we had been asleep for 4 hours! Jack had even latch himself on my breast in his sleep. I remember pulling him in closer instinctively, then going back to sleep.

So I thought about it some more and realized maybe I had demonized co-sleeping for no reason. The concerns I had before mostly vanished. Once I got over the initial worry,  I actually slept great. And I didn’t need to get up every hour because Jack was right there. He would either fuss and I pulled him to my breast, or he would just latch himself on. Then he went right back to sleep. And he could stay latched as long as he needed and I could go back to sleep. And I naturally adjusted to having him in the bed and didn’t mind sleeping on my side.

I talked to Michael about it and he said he was willing to try whatever we needed to get some more sleep. But he was concerned about somethings. So we did more research and we came to an agreement. We would not co-sleep the first part of the night because we did want Jack to learn how to sleep on his own. And we agreed we would not co-sleep every night. And we would follow the rules every time he did sleep with us.

We didn’t  try sleeping together as a family until a week later. Jack got his 2 months shots and just conked out after. Michael and I were tired too, so we decided to try a family nap. We took all the heavy blankets off the bed. Michael and I only had a light sheet tucked-in around our waists. I laid down with Jack, then Michael got in. Soon we were all fast asleep. Three hour later we all woke up very happy.

They were so cute, I just had to take a picture.

Co-sleeping on occasion is a great choice for our family. Now we only put Jack in bed with us if he’s fussy and it’s still too early to get up for the day, like around 5 or 6 AM. And he and I take naps together a few times a week too. Not only is it so much easier, but it’s so beautiful. When I open my eyes to see my boys laying in the same position with the same happy looks on their faces, my heart melts. And Michael loves coming home to see us snuggled up together. Looking back at my own childhood, I think about those Sunday morning where my brother and I jumped into bed with my parents for snuggles and I can’t believe I ever denied co-sleeping.

All that being said, before you dive into co-sleeping, please do some research and make sure it is right for your family. Sharing your bed with your baby isn’t for everyone, so please discuss it thoroughly with your partner and take all factors into consideration first. The information I got from my local La Leche League was the most helpful. Please scour the internet, there is tons of info.

Resources on co-sleeping:
Sleep-Sharing: The Family Bed, Baby Center
Pros & Cons of Co-Sleeping, What To Expect
Sharing Sleep With Babies: The Benefits of Nighttime Slumbers, La Leche League
SIDS and Other Sleep-Related Infant Deaths, American Academy of Pediatrics
Co-Sleeping and Bed-Sharing, Kellymom
Safe Co-Sleeping Habits, Ask Dr. Sears

Life With A Two-Month Old

It’s been two months already? Seriously? I’ve used up 2/3 of my maternity leave! I feel like they placed a newborn on my chest in the delivery room just yesterday!

A lot has changed in two months. Jack has gone from my tiny little newborn who barely opened his eyes to a chubby little baby who is bright and alert. I went from a girl who was terrified to nurse to a mom who can walk around the house with her baby latched on to her boob. Eight weeks ago I was so overwhelmed I never dreamed that would happen for either of us. But I am so glad it did! He’s almost 13 pounds now and I am only 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight too!

1 week old vs. 8 weeks old.

So what is life like with my two-month old baby? Great! He plays and laughs now  I love watching him learn new things everyday. He smiled for the first time around 3 weeks and he’s doing it more each day. He even laughs now! We do have bad days still. The days where he just screams and cries no matter what I try. Those days I just comfort him the best I can and tell myself it will pass (despite how much it breaks my heart to see him so upset). I think of the happy times and remember he will not be a baby forever so I need to cherish it.

One happy time is bathtime. He loves bath now. He always calms down instantly when we put him in. He splashes around and is even trying to play with his toy. He takes a bath with me sometimes too. I get the bath ready and Michael hands him to me wrapped in hand towel. I suggest the towel for a few reasons.  First of all it keeps him warmer. Second babies get really slippery, the towel gives you some more friction to grab on to. Third, babies poop when they feel relaxed. I cover his booty with the towel so if he does poop, I stay clean.

He also stopped pooping at night, which means he sleep almost through the night now! He only wakes up once (maybe twice) to eat. This also means we stopped changing his wet diapers at night. This way he doesn’t get overstimulated and will go back to sleep easier. Michael gets him from his big crib, checks to make sure he didn’t poop or his diaper isn’t leaking. If it is, only then does he change him. Then he gives him to me and I nurse him and rock him back to sleep. Then I put him in his bassinet next to our bed for the rest of the night (usually 3 more hours). Unfortunately he only drinks one side so I still have to get up to pump. But that only takes a few minutes and then I’m back to bed.

We can also take him out more now. We go for walks almost everyday, he loves looking at people passing by us. He usually falls asleep a few minutes into the walk and somehow magically wakes up right when we get home. He goes to the store with me sometimes too, but he isn’t always good about that. I think it’s all the fluorescent lights.

Breakfast with Daddy in Sonoma.

For Father’s Day we went to Sonoma for the reenactment of the Bear Flag Revolt. He napped in his Boba Wrap most of the day luckily. He even slept through the gunpowder shots during the reenactment, granted we hid in the back of the crowd and I covered his ears as best I could. I was so happy to be out of the house and talking to adults. I suggest when taking your baby out for a long period of time, make sure you get them to nap whenever they start giving you the sleepy cues (like yawning, covering their eyes, and fussing slightly). Stroller, wrap, car seat, your arms—whatever it takes to get them down, just don’t let them skip naps.

This was from the start of his Wonder Week, he sucked
on his toy for the first time, I was blown away.

The second month is also when your baby has their second Wonder Week. I didn’t know about these until recently It’s when your baby makes a huge mental leap, like a brain growth spurt. Two weeks ago Jack was so insanely fussy that I didn’t know what to do. He would get mad when I tried to play with him like I always had been. He would nap only an hour at time—if I could get him down, he fought every nap. He also started fussing at my boob when I tried to nurse him. It took forever to get him to latch on and when he did, he just wanted to comfort nurse forever. He’d scream if I unlatched him before he was ready to stop. And at night he went back to waking up every 2 hours to eat. I was so confused and getting overwhelmed again. Then someone on my the April 2014 Birth Club mentioned Wonder Weeks so I looked it up. I found an app and downloaded it. It explained all these fussy behaviors were normal and not permanent. He just needed some extra comfort while he was starting to see the world around him differently. And he needed me to play with him differently now, more interaction and stimulation. The app has a chart that shows about when your baby will enter a wonder week and exit it. And about a week later it ended and Jack went back sleeping well at night and stopped fussing so much. The app helped me prepare for everything. I had to keep playing more interactively. And his naps change, no more three 2-3 hour naps. He now takes four 1-2 hour naps. I like that he’s up for longer period of times, but now I have less time to get stuff done around the house. I really suggest downloading the app, it’s nice to know what to expect and that it’s all normal.

That’s Jack’s life two months in, in a nutshell!