Category: advice

Why I Don’t Want a Big Stroller

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My shower invitations went out recently (thanks Kamille!).  Right away some of my close friends and family who want to buy the more expensive items asked why I didn’t have a travel system or a car seat combo stroller. I politely told them we already have a umbrella stroller for when he can hold himself up, and until then we are just going to carry him. Then they tried to explain how much easier it will be to take him places and let him sleep. I politely tell them again we do not want one, but thank you for your concern. They have been nice and understood, but still think we should get one.

These gigantic things. source

I am not some masochist who wants her torture herself by carrying around a baby until my arms are totally dead. I have two logical reasons for not wanting a travel system stroller.

Yes they do. source

First of all, they are public  nuisance . Have you ever been in a public place, like a mall or just walking down the street, and suddenly been plowed over by some lady with a double-wide stroller? And of course you can’t say anything because you know she is struggling to keep it together under the stress of taking a screaming baby out in public. But you give her a little glare as she continues to plow down the crowd as she makes her way through. Oh look, she just took out an old lady with a walker, who then fell on a 5-year-old. Or even at a restaurant–you are trying to simply walk to the bathroom and back, but are blockaded by gigantic strollers. And if you accidentally bump one while trying to navigate through, the parents angrily yell at you for disturbing their baby. I know parenting is hard and it’s nice to have your arms free to do stuff, but pushing a giant stroller around in public is rude. In fact, I think it’s very rude. There is a difference between the world becoming more kid-friendly (which I love) and parents just being selfish. Your baby does not need the giant stroller packed full of stuff. You don’t need it either—you just want it. You want to have everything stowed away for your convenience. The world should not revolve around you just because you had a baby. Have some consideration for others. I refuse to be this rude of a person ever, so this is my number one reason for not wanting a travel system stroller. They are just too big and impractical. Also, I have more compassion for the women who has a screaming baby in public if she hasn’t run me over with her stupid stroller. In fact, I would probably let her cut in line or something when it looks like she is about to burst into tears with her baby.

My senitments exactly. source
And I know someone is going to say, “But I got invited out to a friend’s birthday dinner at this great restaurant. If I don’t take the big stroller where she can sleep, I don’t get to go!” I know it sucks, but you are a parent now. Either hire a sitter for the night or tell your friend sorry, but you can’t go because your baby needs to sleep in her own bed. You have a greater responsibility to your child’s healthy and safety than to having dinner with your friend.
*I would just like to note, if you have multiples, a bigger stroller may be necessary. I understand and got no problem with that. But it doesn’t need to be GIGANTIC and you don’t need to take into a crowded place.

Secondly, it’s not good for your baby it be laying down all the time. I was browsing on Pinterest one day and came across an article with a Youtube Video about why/how you should carry your baby. Sadly, I cannot find that original Pin :-/ So I will link some similar ones below.  But essentially, a newborn’s spine is C-shaped. It’s weak and not very flexible. Your baby has been squished up inside you for nine months. Laying your baby flat on it’s back in a carseat for an extended period of time is bad. Their muscles are not strong enough to be uncurled and stretched out yet. This places too much stress on their delicate spine. As the baby grows, their muscles eventually get stronger. Then they can support their own heads and their spines to begin to develop a slight curve. And only when they learn to walk do they have the full standard spinal curvature. Until then, laying your baby down with it’s legs and spine spread flat often puts too much stress on the muscles and spine. It will interfere with the natural unraveling and strengthening of the spine.
Carrying either in your arms or in a sling properly does not cause such spinal stress. Newborns and older infants should be carried facing towards you so they are not leaning backwards (stretching out the spine) for support. The carrier should support the entire length of the back—shoulders down the back of the knees. They should be snug but not pinned in place. Their legs should be allowed to curl naturally and freely, to prevent hip displacement. Check the height and weight limits of your sling, and make sure your baby isn’t too big for it, which can cause spine issues as well.

Why wouldn’t you want to snuggle your baby? source

See, there is logic to not wanting a travel system stroller, both a societal issue and development concerns. These reasons are not based purely on research though, I have some practical experience too. I babysat for different families that have used travel systems, slings, or both. I found the big stroller annoying to luge around. And it bothered me that the baby was isolated down and away from me. I liked most of the slings (one family had a weird homemade one that hurt my shoulder). I liked the baby being close against me so I could make sure they were okay. My hands were free and my movements were not impeded that much at all.

Our stroller. Simple, light weight, and folds easily. source

And when he does gets too big or it’s impractical to take him in the sling, we did get an umbrella stroller. He can’t go in it until he can support himself upright though. It’s small enough that if we do need to take it in a crowded place, we won’t take out any old ladies. It’s collapsible so if we need to eat in a crowded restaurant, we can fold it up and tuck it out of the way. And it’s probably not comfortable for him to sleep at night, but that’s not a problem. He will not be staying out late just because we want to. I firmly believe that babies need a set bedtime routine in their regular bed. So if want to go out out, we will hire a sitter. Or sadly we might not be able to go out. That is something you have to accept as a parent.

Also, I actually want to hold my baby. I spent all this time and effort making him, I want to see his cute little face and rock him in my arms! And who knows, maybe after a month I will be calling my mom crying and saying I was stupid for not wanting travel system.

More info on proper baby carrying:
Strollers, Baby Carriers, and Infant Stress, Boba
How to Practice Safe Babywearing, Imperfect Homemaker
Benefits of Babywearing, Babywearing International

Dealing with Severe Acid Reflux

Around 10 weeks, I got some very mild heartburn. It happened maybe twice a week and would ago away easily with antacids.  I also figured out what foods triggered it pretty quickly. One of the wonderful delights in the Bay Area is garlic fries, but raw/not totally cooked garlic quickly became a no-no. Mainly because your husband will not appreciate going down to the car at 2 AM to get your Tums while staying overnight at his sister’s house.

It started to get a little worse around 20 weeks, but a few more antacids would usually do the trick. We went to my parents’ house for Christmas when I was 26 weeks. I didn’t overeat, but I ate 3 full-sized meals a day, which lead to more nights of me sitting up with horrible heartburn. My mom bought me a bottle of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar Drink one day when it was really bad. It helped tame the throat burn, but didn’t really settle my stomach. When I got back home, I started eating smaller meals, which worked great for a few weeks.

Then one night when I was 29 weeks, I woke up coughing and suddenly realized stomach acid was rising in my throat. Michael asked if I was okay, as I was quickly racing out of bed, but all I could was shake my head no. I made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up a bunch of stomach acid. It hurt so bad, I started crying instantly. Michael calmed me down, gave me antacids and soy milk, and helped me prop myself up pretty much vertical in the bed. But my stomach/throat hurt so bad, there was no way I was going back to sleep.

The next day all I could eat was plain toast for breakfast, plain ramen noodles for lunch, and a grilled cheese (vegan) for dinner. Even water upset my stomach and burned my throat. After a few days of this my stomach felt better, but I was getting more dizzy. That Friday I had doctors appointment and brought it up. She said I am probably getting more dizzy because I am not eating enough, which is not good for someone with low blood pressure. She said I could take Zantac everyday from now on. And if that doesn’t help, she will send me to a specialist.

We bought Zantac that night it started working within an hour. I ate a decent dinner that night and felt a lot better. The box says to take 2 pills every 8-12 hours as needed, but when I woke up in the morning I felt fine so I didn’t take one. Half way through work that morning, my throat/stomach were on fire again. I took another one as soon as we got home that night and the relief came back. I decided from now on, I need to just take two everyday so I can eat/drink enough and not be in pain. I have been doing that for a week now and it’s been going well. I hope this treatment sticks, I don’t want to go to a specialist.

Heartburn and acid reflux are common problems during pregnancy. Usually caused by increased hormone levels effecting your digestive system. Or, the baby could be shoving your organs out of the way to make room to grow. My brother actually permanently moved my mom’s esophagus, causing a lot of stomach problems for years to come. Since Jack is measuring big and he is growing more into my body rather than outward, I was expecting this to happen. However, I was not expecting it to this painful!

Here is my advice for anyone else experience severe acid reflux:

  • Eat smaller, more frequent meals of simple but more nutritious foods. I try for 6 smaller meals every 2-3 hours.  See my food blog here for meal suggestions.
  • Sleep with your head propped up above your stomach. This can be done with pillow, foam wedges, or Dr. Oz. suggests putting something under your actual mattress.
  • Try a bit of apple cider vinegar mixed with some apple juice.
  • Also try some aloe vera juice. It didn’t stop the burn, but afterwards it helped sooth/heal my stomach and throat.
  • For fast acting relief, take a few antacids. I really like Tums Smoothies, taste good and dissolve easier in your mouth.
  • If get’s really bad, ask your doctor what other medicines you can take.

My Concerns Once Baby Arrives

Now that Jack will be coming in about 2 months, I’ve had to start getting more things ready—including myself. I knew I wanted to be a mother since I was little girl. I am naturally good with most kids and have babysat since I was about 12. I love kids so much that I considered being a neonatal or an OB/GYN nurse. I am one of those naturally maternal women, I guess.

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However, I am still terrified about having a baby sometimes. Unlike babysitting, I cannot give the baby back to its mom when something goes wrong—because I will be the mom! My husband and I will be responsible for another person for the rest our lives now. Our lives will change dramatically once he arrives too. And our family’s lives. And you never know—maybe our son will grow up and change the world! So, in a sense, the choices we make might affect EVERYTHING. How can I not be terrified sometimes?

I know things will work out and life unfolds the way it’s supposed to in the end. So I am still very excited to have a baby. These are just normal concerns that every parent has in the beginning. I wanted to read how other moms dealt with these fears, but could not find much on it. So I decided to share my concerns so some other mom can relate and relax.

How am I supposed to have a baby when
these two already think they are my babies?
Lucky girls got to come in the house that day
because it was so cold…spoiled.
  • Not knowing what to do: I just said I have good natural maternal instincts, but that doesn’t mean they are correct or will prevail every time. There is not one specific thing I am afraid I will do wrong, more like everything. The basics like nursing, bathing, dressing, sleeping, and playing. And complex things like discipline, morals, and education. Also, arbitrary things like what if his hair isn’t curly like Michael’s like I want or he isn’t interested in science like us? What can I do to calm these fears? Get educated so I can make informed decisions, first of all. I can also ask for help from my family or a professional anytime I am overwhelmed. Other than that, there is nothing much I can do besides stay calm and wait them out.
  • Postpartum Depression: I have had some depression problems in the past, and worry if I will have depression again after Jack is born. I know that some baby blues after birth is normal because rapidly changing hormones. I know all the signs and will seek out help right away if feel it is more than the normal baby blues. But I worry how it will affect my ability to be a good mother. My friend from High School recently did a post on her blog Oregon Domesticated about her experience with postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. I remember her as very bright and bubbly person. And her daughters are both beautiful. So I was shocked when I read the story, I would have never guessed it would happen to her. She is an example of how someone can look so happy but is actually struggling on the inside. I really applaud her getting help and sharing her story for other moms.
  • How My Cats Will React: Before I started dating Michael, I was pretty lonely. So what does a lonely single girl do? Get cats! They are both my babies. When I brought them from Hawaii after graduation, I had to leave them in Oregon for a year while I got settled in California. The day I left I told them the great Lilo and Stitch quote, “Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” I meant that for life. I chose to take-in these cats, and that means I need to care for them no matter what. These girls are pretty spoiled and get a lot of snuggles every day. I know this will change when Jack comes. And for awhile, they might not get much attention at all while I establish a routine. I already feel bad about that 😦 And I worry how they will treat Jack. When I bring him home, I will show him to them so they know what that weird smell/sound is, but after than I plan to keep them pretty separate for awhile for his safety (not a problem because they live in a back room not attached to the main house). They are both nice cats, but you never know how an animal will react to a new person. Let alone one that is taking all their mommy’s attention. I will just have to keep on eye on them and see how they behave. And the picture above, that is actually how I woke-up from a nap, paw on my face and all.
  • Junk Food: I mentioned in my Will Your Baby Be Vegan? post that Michael and I compromised on what the baby will eat. In order to respect each other’s wishes, the baby will be allowed to try all types of healthy foods and make his own choice when he is old enough. I know Michael respects me and if I say do not feed our child that meat/dairy today, he will comply. And I will not get upset if Michael asks if Jack can share some of his ice cream cone on occasion. But I am worried about other people feeding him things I do not want. Like either grandma giving him non-vegan cookies on a day when I want all vegan food. Then them telling me something like “It’s just a treat, I hardly ever to see him. Do not deprive me of loving my grandson!” I don’t want to fight with them over it, but I need people to respect my wishes too. I don’t want him to get used to eating junk and turn into a picky eater. My husband and his sisters were, and his mom admits that she wishes she did not cave into their demands so easily. I will not let Jack become a picky eater, but it will be harder if people undermine me all the time. There is not much I can do to stop this (other than tell the grandmas they can’t see Jack if they only feed him junk, which is very mean). I will just have to be open and direct (while still polite) with people.

Why I Got A Flu Shot And Things to Consider Before You Get One

There is a lot of controversy when it comes to vaccines. I don’t want to get into the whole debate, but I wanted to put some information out there so you can make your own informed decision about how to prevent the flu.

I never got the flu shot until I was 22-years-old and I was a pretty healthy kid. I did get sick a lot in college, but not with the flu. I had a lot of tonsil/sinus/ear infections (and yes all the thee at the same time) starting my sophomore year at Oregon. After 2 years of some horrible infection every 3 months, I had to get my tonsils out. A few months after I got a very bad cold. The doctor told me I most likely got sick again because all these infections slightly damaged my immune system. He recommended I get the flu shot every year from now on.
After that I started to take more preventive measures to avoid getting sick and it worked pretty well for awhile (which proves to me that your body can fight off germs if you give it a chance). Then I started dating my now husband, and the week before finals our last term at UHH, he caught the flu….and gave it to me. I did get the flu shot that year, but that particular shot did not inoculate against the strand we caught. It was a strand effecting Japan and they did not think it was hit America that flu season (or so the urgent care doctor told me)….guess they didn’t realize that Hawaii is not really near the mainland and would get the virus sooner…
The flu was awful. Ten days of us both squished in front the AC in my apartment trying to keep our fevers down. Coughing all over each other and barely being able to move. Needless to say, I NEVER want the flu again. EVER. It was the worse sickness I have had in my life. I honestly think childbirth will be more pleasant.

So, I have been trying to not take unnecessary medications since I found out I was pregnant. I took a few Tylenol (for aches and pains) and Benedryl (for sleep and nausea) on occasion, but only when I really really needed it. When it came time to get the flu shot, I had to think about it. I did not want to get the flu again, especially when there can be a lot more serve complications when pregnant (including death of the mother and fetus). But I did not want to harm my baby and there is some nasty junk in flu shots.

Then one day my mom called me one day to say that Dr. Oz says all pregnant women should get preservative-free flu shots. My response, “Do you have to do everything Dr. Oz tells you?” She told me it’s my choice, but to think of how awful the flu was last time. So I did some research first (I linked the articles I read below). Then I talked to my doctor. She said they did have preservative-free shots and it was safe. I also asked my husband, who agreed I should get one because I get sick so easily.
I was still not convinced I should get it right away since I had got the shot year I got the flu—what if I inject all this stuff into my baby and I still ended up getting very sick? But then I remembered I live on the mainland now, and odds are the shot will be for the correct virus this time. Then I read the CDC’s criteria for who should definitely get the flu shot and realized I fit into 3 of them: pregnant, compromised immune system, and blood disorders (Anemia). I realized, for me personally, the benefits outweighed the risks.

I am glad I got the flu shot now. As of this morning, 15 deaths and 13 hospitalizations in the Bay Area alone for the flu. Three of them in my county. And yeah, I know the media hypes things—I did go to a very good Journalism School and know how the news works—but those are still 15 innocent people who lost their lives.

Like I said, it is your personal choice on whether to get a flu shot or not. You need to do what is right for yourself and your baby. But please make an informed decision above all else.
Articles I read about the flu shot:

Key Facts, Center for Disease Control

Pregnancy and the Flu, March of Dimes
Five Reasons Why I’ll Never Get A Flu Shot, The Organic Prepper (Blogger)

My Second Trimester

I am officially done with my second trimester. I am both happy and sad about it. Happy because it means I am closer to kissing my son sweet little face. Sad because I know that my pregnancy is going to get more uncomfortable now.

Overall my second trimester went well. Just some mild drama and discomfort. I love feeling him kick and move all the time now. And I am in love with my gorgeous, thick beauty queen hair! However I am not a fan of the nightly heartburn. Or the horrible round ligament pain every time I cough, laugh, or stretch. And the thing I hate the most? Having to wear a panty liner all the time now because my bladder leaks slightly. Did I mention that peed myself a few weeks ago when I sneezed? Yeah, that seriously happened.

So I thought I would do a similar post to my First Trimester one. The things I would again and the things I would do differently.

Things I would do again:

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  • Prenatal Massage: My husband bought me a prenatal massage from Massage Envy when I was 22 weeks. I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am for it. It felt amazing and helped my sore back. And the massage therapists advice helped me lessen my discomfort over all (see my Fluid Retention and Weight Gain post).
  • Support Wedge/ Maternity Pillow: Around 19 weeks, it started to get very uncomfortable to sleep. I was annoyed I couldn’t sleep on my stomach or back. I didn’t like sleeping on my sides. My belly was in the way, my back hurt, painful heartburn, and leg cramps. I woke up crying one night because my back hurt so much. I got very little sleep each night, and all my tossing and turning woke Michael up. I bought a maternity pillow first. I could hug it and place it between my knees, which supported my belly and lower back. But I was still uncomfortable, I want to be propped up more to alleviate heartburn and relax my upper back. I wanted a big wedge pillow, but the ones we could find were insanely expensive. Michael brought me to two smaller ones instead. They helped tremendously. With all these pillows, I am now supported and cradled all around.
  • Not Giving in to Insane Cravings: I have been lucky so far with no really ridiculously cravings (my mom told me she craved raw zucchini with peanut butter, ick). And I have not wanted to eat an insane quantity of food either really (and my stomach feels so squished I am not sure I could). I do get cravings for some pretty unhealthy foods though, mainly carbs. I indulge a little bit, but don’t over do it. I wanted a big burger Red Robin a few weeks ago. I got my fave burger with a vegan Boca patty, no cheese, no mayo and side salad instead. It was very nice, but responsible treat. I do have one craving I will not indulge in no matter what: a Baskin Robins ice cream cake. I don’t even care which flavor, I just keep thinking of one in general. And I do not want just one slice—I want the whole thing. It’s not vegan or even remotely healthy, so it is not happening. There is a difference between a nice treat and insanity.
  • Stretch Mark Cream:  I refuse to have insane stretch marks. I know some are inevitable, but I do not want to be one of those women with the permanent, deep purple marks all over their stomach. I slather myself daily—and I mean slather—in hopes of preventing them. I had few existing ones that got a little more defined, but nothing else so far. I switch between two products, Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Lotion and Bio-Oil. I try to massage it in well all over my belly, sides, boobs, thighs, and butt. It’s nice bonding time with my son, plus I smell great and feel very soft after. Michael says I smell like a doughnut after the Cocoa Butter.
Things I would do differently:

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  • Drink More Water All Along: If you didn’t check out my Fluid Retention and Weight Gain post yet, please do. Drinking more water really helped me not only feel more comfortable, but also helped me control my weight gain. I know the recommended 8-12 glass a day during pregnancy seems like a lot, but trust me it is worth it. I wish I did this from the start. Next baby, even if I throw it up, I am going to make myself drink tons of water.
  • Getting My Husband More Informed: You know that blank look men give you ask them a question? The one that says “I have no idea what you are talking about, but I love you so please don’t get mad at me when I say something stupid.” I was getting a lot of those looks in recent weeks. For example, his sister brought up that we should get a car seat that is also a carrier. I said we don’t need one. Michael then says we probably should get one, and my blood instantly boiled. I told him weeks ago that it is better for the baby’s spine and head to be held in your arms or in a sling facing towards you. Later that night I had a hormonal crying fit about it. He comforted me, but didn’t understand why I was upset. He then reminded me that I have cared for babies before, and he hasn’t. He is very excited to be a dad, but has no idea what to do. It isn’t fair for me to get mad at him like that. When I told him about the spine and head stuff, he had no idea why I mentioned it. I calmed down and explained that I do not want the car seat carrier because of the spine and head concerns. He understood and agreed. So from now, when it comes to making any decision,  I make sure he understands the background information and why I feel the way I do about it, then we discuss it openly. I am also looking in to parenting classes or DVD’s for the both of us.
  • Buy Comfy Shoes Sooner: I have a desk job, but I do get up to look for things often. Plus my 10 trips to the bathroom a day. I quickly ditched my heels (though I wear them for special occasions still). My flats do not have enough support for me right now either. And my sneakers do not match my work clothes. I have a comfy pair of no-slip shoes from when I was waitress, but they are open on the top so my feet get cold. I wanted something comfy, warm, and easy to get on (getting harder to bend down easily). Michael bought me a pair of slide-on sneakers from H&M that work great. And my mom got me vegan UGG-like boots for Christmas. Both are great and I wish I had them all along. When your feet hurt, you get grumpy. And being pregnant makes you a little grumpy anyways. No ones like an extra grumpy pregnant lady!
  • Taking a Fiber Supplement Everyday: There is no polite way to discuss this, but it’s vital. You will probably get constipated while pregnant at some point. All the hormones and the baby pushing on your intestines, bound to back you up. And if you develop anemia and have to take iron supplements, it will only get worse. And to quote my best friend about the subject “It’s funny how people get so irritated when they can’t poo.” You feel so bloated and uncomfortable that you just want to punch everyone. I had no issues with it until about 2 weeks after starting my iron pills. After about 3 days of nothing, I began to panic. I ended up trying a whole bunch of different things, but at that point I was so backed up that it took a few more days for it all to start working. I wish I just took a basic fiber supplement all along like Metamucil to keep it from ever becoming a problem.
Things I am not sure about:

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  • Getting the Nursery Together So Soon: It is a relief to know that if Jack came early, that the nursery is mostly together. The walls are painted and the crib is together. We have some clothes, diapers, and other stuff too. I want everything as perfect as can be for him, so I started planning stuff early. But I realized recently that it pretty much just going to sit there empty for 4 more months. And I still have my baby shower coming up, so there is no point in planning on getting much more stuff right now. Plus my mom told me she already bought stuff and so did my sister-in-law. It’s a relief for a first time mom, but not sure it was worth the hassle so soon.
  • Preliminary Birth Plan: I was once thinking about being a neonatal or OB/GYN nurse, so I knew some stuff about giving birth before. I decided to make a preliminary birth plan, just in case I went into labor early. All these options came up on that I did not know about. Do you want to try a birthing stool? Do you want to be constantly monitored or intermittently? Do you want an epidural or to try other pain management techniques. Do you want a mirror to see the baby come out? Do you want your partner to catch the baby? Do you want to tear naturally? Do you want skin-to-skin contact immediately? I had no idea! I began researching all this and more, and sharing the info with Michael. We slowly started to make informed decisions and came up with a preliminary birth plan. But we still need to take the hospital tour and some baby classes, so thing may change. Though it’s nice to know we have a plan, it was overwhelming to work on by ourselves. It might have been nice to have waited till we had the tour and the classes.

Will You Let Your Son Join a Fraternity?

I am a proud member of the Gamma Phi Beta Sorority. I was initiated at Nu Chapter at the University of Oregon my freshman year and I am the current Chapter Advisor for Epsilon Omicron Chapter at the University of California Santa Cruz.

Aren’t I a cute little sophomore?

Joining was one of the best decisions I made in my life and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I honestly would have dropped out of school entirely if it had not been for the support of the women of Nu Chapter.

Nu Chapter’s class of 2010, I would not have graduated if it wasn’t for these ladies.

Gamma Phi taught me to hold myself to a higher standard, respect people from different backgrounds and circumstances, and how to contribute to the greater good. During my collegiate time, all members had to maintain a GPA of 2.75 (B-‘s or better). In addition, you had to do community service each term. And, you had to attend social issues ( a guest speaker on campus who presents a relevant topic such a human trafficking or alcoholism). There were mandatory attendance events like weekly chapter meetings and philanthropies. You can also hold officer positions too, and I held several over the years.

Flipping pancakes for our annual philanthropy, Pancake Breakfast.
We raise money for our national philanthropy Campfire USA. I loved being Philanthropy Chair.

And yes, I went to some wild parties that I will never tell my mother about. But you cannot attend parties if you do not meet all these requirements and follow all the rules. If you violate the rules, we have our own disciplinary system in place so we can hold our sisters accountable for their poor choices. It teaches that you must earn the things you want in life. Greek Life is nothing like Animal House (which happened to be filmed at Oregon).

Despite being filmed on my campus, this was SO NOT my experience.
Though I love this movies and it’s funny say
partied in Omega House during college.
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I also love being an Advisor. Over the past year and a half, I have seen the members of Epsilon Omicron grow into strong women and outstanding leaders.

So, this begs the questions: Will I let my children join a fraternity or sorority? The answer is yes and no….let me explain…

First of all, the sad truth that not everyone is meant to be Greek. Some people will never like the structure and ritual—and there is nothing wrong with that. And they wouldn’t be secret societies if everyone was in them! My husband is amazing man, but he is so not a fraternity man. He is what we call an independent. If my son (or maybe my daughter one day) takes after his dad with that independent spirit, I would never pressure him into joining.

Second, there is the issue of non-conformity in the some Greek Systems. While some states/universities do an amazing job of ensuring the safety of all students, other do not. The State of Oregon has very strict hazing laws (zero tolerance actually) and Gamma Phi Beta has very strict housing/membership requirements (in addition to a zero tolerance hazing rule). So pretty much it is impossible for any Chapter to last in the State of Oregon if they try to be Animal House (and I did see two bad chapters get shut down during my collegiate time–and trust me they deserved it). A lot of other states have just as high of standard for nationally recognized Greek houses (see California’s here). So if my child went to school in a state with these regulations, I would most likely approve.

Nothing like this ever happened to me, and should never happen to anybody.
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Third, there is the issue of local chapters, ones that are not affiliated with a nationally recognized Greek organization. Local chapter usually consist of a few college students who come together to form a small, localized house. Some do this in order to establish Greek life on their campus, in hopes of one day be colonized and accepted into a national organization. Some do this to start a new national organization one day. But there are some (but not all) that do not want to ever be a national organization and want to follow their own rules—meaning they can haze and not have to worry about grades.

My wonderful Epsilon Omicron Chapter collegiates at Fall 2013 recruitment.
I took this picture because I was so proud of them. No Delta House here.

An example of such a local organization actually comes from UCSC and was featured on MTV back in 2004. The bad reputation this behavior left on the campus is still effecting Greek life today! When I tried to introduce myself to some key people on campus last year, the first thing most of them said was “Why are you contacting me? Did your members get in trouble?” Now there are rumors that all of Greek Life are wild drunks, which is making it harder for me to start the process of getting them a Chapter house. No child of mine will ever be allowed to join an unstructured organization. I will never allow my child to haze or harass people (or barbecue a beloved campus animal). I will not spend good money on a education if they just want to goof off all day. As a side note, my current collegiates do not act this either nor would anyone in Gamma Phi Beta allow them to.

And lastly, there is the issue of why they want to join. I have been through several recruitment processes now—as potential member hoping to be selected by a chapter, a initiated member trying to select new sisters, and as an Advisor overseeing the process. I have heard practically every reason for wanting to join a sorority there is. Everything from “I want friends for life!” to “I want to kiss a lot of frat boys.” I personally went through recruitment because I felt lost in life and hoped to find some guidance. If my child wanted to join for a similar positive reason, I would absolutely support it. But if I hear the words party, beer, sex, drugs, slacking off, or hazing I will bring their butt home instantly and figure out where I went wrong.

Epsilon Omicron Chapter’s Spring Recruitment 2013.
I’m a sister for life. I would be proud if my son or daughter
wanted to carry on my Greek legacy.

I would be very proud if my son joined a Fraternity one day and matured into one of the outstanding gentlemen that I had the privilege to meet during college. And if I have a daughter one day, I would be more than proud to place my Gamma Phi Beta pin on her one day and call me my sister (I could not type that without tearing up). But only if it right for them, right for the organization, and helps them become a better person.

Glucose Screening and Anemia

I had my glucose screen last week. I was apprehensive about doing it because things never go well when I need to have blood drawn.

My appointment was first thing in the morning, so I fasted the night before. I wasn’t that hungry in the morning so that didn’t bother me. But, like I said, I have ever been good at getting my blood drawn. I am not afraid of blood or needles. I have tiny veins that like to jump around. This makes it hard for most phlebotomists/nurses to find a good vein, so I end up getting getting poked several times and have the needle wiggled around a lot. It usually takes so long that I get dizzy and nauseous. Now I just ask to lay down from the start to make it easier for everyone. When I got to the clinic, they sent me right over to the lab for my first blood draw. I laid down and everything went well. She got a vein on the first try.

It wasn’t that bad.

Then she gave me the drink and said I had 5 minutes to finish it. It tasted like really sweet, flat Sprite. It was not that bad, but don’t like really sugary things so I don’t think I could have drank much more than that small bottle.

Then I went back over to waiting room and was called in for my doctor appointment. She said Jack looks great and I am doing just fine. She was happy my weight gain slowed dramatically (only a half pound gain, see my last post) and loved that I was drinking more water.

Then I went back to the waiting room to wait. I was playing on my phone when all the sudden I got really dizzy.  So I got  some water, hoping that would help but nothing improved. I asked to lay down and the lab tech quickly found an open room for me. She got me more water and told me to just wait there until the next blood draw.

She came back in a bit for the second draw, but it did not go as well as the first. She tried a different vein on the same arm, and it instantly ceased up. It hurt so bad that I actually yelped and asked her to stop. So she had to go back to the first vein, but a different spot. It hurt but she got it quickly so I just bared with it.

I just stayed laying down until the last draw in an hour. I was feeling fine, but decided that was probably the best option. She came back in an hour and it went horrible again. She tried a different spot on the same vein, and it ceased up too. So she moved to my other arm and I ended up yelping again. She  finally got a smaller needle and after some wiggling, finally got it.

It hurt to bend my arms to drive home.

At this point I was starving, dizzy, and in pain.  She gave me another glass of water and let me rest of few more minutes. Once my dizziness was gone, I booked it out of there, got some pad thai (tofu and no egg) and went home. I already took the whole day off (knowing that the blood draw would not go well), so I snuggled up on the couch and inhaled my food. Then I took a nice nap with my cats and woke up feeling much better. My arms were sore 3 days later. And I got a mini track mark. Very attractive.

Track mark the next morning.

The doctor said I would receive a call in 3 days only if something was wrong. I assumed they would call first thing in the morning, so when I heard nothing by noon on the third day, I figured it was all good. Then that night 5 minutes before the clinic closed, I got a phone call. “Please hold for the OB/GYN nurse,” I just about burst into tears. Something must be horribly wrong or else they wouldn’t be calling me so late. They must want me to rush straight to the hospital. Michael isn’t even home, he went out with his boys and it’s going to take him at least 30 minutes to come get me. 

After what felt like an eternity, the nurse comes on the phone. She says my hemoglobin levels are very low. The doctor prescribed me a higher dose of iron and it should be waiting for me at the pharmacy.

Iron pills! source

I was so relieved! I’ve had anemia on and off since I was 12 so not surprised Jack is stealing what little iron I have. And no, it has nothing to do with being vegan. I had way before I went vegan, my body just naturally does not know how to maintain enough iron. I happily picked up my prescription and started it right away.

Anemia is common in pregnancy and can be easily treated. There are 3 types of anemia, but all of them result not enough red blood cells. There is iron deficiency, folate deficiency, and B-12 deficiency. I have iron deficiency, so that is what I am going to talk about next.

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Iron deficiency anemia means you do not have enough hemoglobin (a blood protein). Hemoglobin carries oxygen all throughout your body, so low hemoglobin means your body and your baby are not getting enough oxygen.

Even though anemia is not necessarily fatal, it can affect the growth of your baby in the long run. Low birth weight, preterm labor and of course the baby can be born with anemia as well. And let me tell you, anemia can suck. Extreme tiredness, dizziness, weakness, and confusion. Plus the very attractive pale skin and sunken complexion. The weird thing is a few weeks ago I had all those symptoms and they told me I did not have anemia. Now I am feeling better and have the lowest iron ever in my life.

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Like I said, it is easily treated. You can take an iron supplement in addition to your prenatal vitamin. Also, you can eat iron-rich food like: lentils, brussel sprouts, pumpkin seeds, oatmeal, tofu, black strap molasses, black-eyed peas, kale, and spinach.

Did you notice I didn’t list any meat? You can be a vegan and overcome anemia. Just eat a balanced and healthy diet. You won’t even have to think about it, most plants have plenty of iron. I think I became anemic again because I was  too nauseous in my first trimester to eat well.

As unpleasant (and painful) as my glucose screening was, I am glad I do not have gestational diabetes and my anemia is treatable.

Babies Names And Heritages

When I was 11 weeks, I had an appointment with a counselor at my OB/GYN clinic. It’s a part of their complete care program, just to make sure you are ready/are getting ready emotionally and physically for the baby. She asked me basic questions about my husband and myself. Nothing seemed odd until she asked for the babies primary ethnicity. I told her there this no dominant one, just American I guess. She looked at me funny so  I explained. I am all white—Polish, Italian, French Canadian, and a little German. And my husband is half Fijian-Indian and half Hispanic, with a little Caribbean-Indian and Native American. So she checked every box but African-American. And before she could say anything I said, “We already know we made an American mutt.” She just laughed.

When it came time to pick names for our baby, we wanted to incorporated both our heritages in there somehow. I wanted to get relatives names in if possible. My dad did not allow any relatives’ names for my brother’s or my first name. He said that everyone deserves the right to be their own identity and not have to live up to someone else’s name. I think that argument is only valid if you force your child to grow up exactly where you did and live the same life you did. My dad knew that we were going to live completely lives in completely places than him and my mom, so it was never going to be a problem. I know that my son will have a completely different life than my husband or me, so I am not worried about him needing to live up to something either.

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To honor both our heritages and families, we decided to name our son Jack-Avinash Miguel.

I picked a girl’s name years ago, Terrie, after my amazing aunt who passed away 8 years ago. I told Michael that it was really important to me, as a way for my mom and I heal from her passing. He respected my wishes and agreed. As much as I dream of having a sweet little girl one day, I always wanted a boy first. I told Michael he could have final say on a boy’s name to be fair. So I told him all the names I liked, all of which he rejected. He said I was picking “too white” names. I reminded the baby is half white….but I understood his point. He wants his son’s name to reflect something special to him too. So I pulled up babynames.com and started reading off names.

After about an hour of him saying no to everything and me about to lose my temper, I saw the name Jack. Jack is the male version of my mom’s name, so I would honor my family. And Michael always speaks fondly of his dad’s best friend Jack who passed away several years ago. So I suggested Jack and he finally said yes!

As for the hyphen name thing, it’s something my in-laws started. My husband’s hyphen name is also Avinash (Hindi for indestructible) and his middle name is his dad’s name. I liked this idea, so we decided to continue the tradition. We both love the name Avinash so decided to use that as Jack’s hyphen name. Then obvious middle name was Michael (which also happens to be my Dad’s name). But we decided to let him be his own Michael and get his Hispanic heritage in by doing Miguel.

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We know that is a long and complicated name, but we put a lot of thought and love into it. Hopefully one day he will understand and respect all the names we chose for him. We had some people try to convince us to change one or more of the names, but at the end of the day we know he is our baby. If you and your partner settle on a name, that is all that matters. When that baby is born, everyone will be so in love with him or her they wont even care if you call them Mud. There is the trend of not revealing the name until the baby is born, that way no one can disrespect your choice or taint your opinion of a name you love. I don’t think it’s a bad idea actually. What you chose for your baby is your own business, so there is no need to involve anyone else really. We told everyone the name because honestly, I am pretty stubborn and no one can tell me what to do 🙂 If I want to name my baby Mud, you better believe I would.

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I think it’s fascinating why people are named the thing they are. I am named after Elizabeth Montgomery’s character on Bewitched. My husband was name after Saint Michael. My grandpa and all his brothers have the initials RJB. All my paternal cousins have family names or variations of them. I know someone named after a Vietnamese comic book character their dad liked. My friend even named her daughter Diamonte, because she is her precious gem. It takes all kinds to make the world go round.

Check out the Most Popular Baby names for 2013 according to Babynames.com, nothing crazy but some of the spellings are a bit of stretch for me (Rhys/Reece?)

Or try these Unusual (But Cool) Boy Names, not sure how I feel about Lockwood…

And these 3 Hot Trends in Baby Names, the Valedictorian of the class of 2032 could be Charlie and her quarterback boyfriend is Wolfgang!

If you have a interesting story behind your name or a crazy heritage, let me know in the comments. I really do find it all fascinating!

Things That Helped my Morning Sickness

I was not prepared for my horrible morning sickness. It struck hard around 5 and a half weeks. My mom told me she had horrible morning sickness with both my brother and I, but I didn’t think it could be that bad. I tried to explain it to my husband one day, the best analogy I could come up with a horrible hangover that wont go away.

Before I found out I was pregnant, I had some symptom, a bad headache and a little bit of an upset stomach. We had eaten out several times that weekend, so I assumed I had mild food poisoning or something. Neither the headache or the stomach issues were that bad. Well, long story short, about week later I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. After the initial shock, I thought to myself  Hey, this isn’t that bad. Just a headache and extra time in the bathroom…I can totally do this!

….Oh how wrong I was. It started to get worse slowly. A few days after the test, I didn’t like the smell of Michael’s dinner one night and made him sit on the other side of the room to eat it. Then one morning I woke up with a even worse headache. Then that night I woke up feeling like the room was spinning and I was going to be sick. The the next day I woke up feeling so sick I couldn’t eat until noon. Then the next day I couldn’t eat until dinner. Then the next day I couldn’t eat anything. Then the vomiting started…most of the time I just threw up in the morning, but the queasy feeling lasted all day. I was also getting dehydrated, giving me a worse headache and the shakes. At about 7 weeks I said enough and tried to figure out ways to cope.

Here is a list of things that helped me:

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  • Laying Down: Every time I stood up, I instantly got dizzy and felt like I was either going to faint or puke. I kept trying to do stuff around the house, but would just end up crying next to the toilet. Eventually I realized if I just laid down, I felt a lot better. Eventually sometime in the afternoon my nausea subsided and I could at least make Michael dinner and finish the laundry. I eventually found out if I ate laying down, I could actually keep it down.
  • Ginger Candy: My mom bought me a box of Reed’s Ginger Candy. I kept it next to my bed and popped one in my mouth right when I woke up. I have to admit, they are pretty strong and even sting a little to swallow. But they really do work wonders. They fix that hunger-over-like feeling you have when you are not throwing up.
  • Ritz Crackers: After the ginger candy, while still in bed, I would eat a few crackers. I tried these fancy organic multigrain ones, but they didn’t work. I needed plain Ritz Crackers. The simple taste wont set off your nausea, unlike the multigrain. They are easy to digest. And they have salt to balance your electrolytes. Plus, grains absorb liquid and acid in your stomach, giving it less stuff to irritate it.
  • Preggie Pops: My mom also bought me Preggie Pops. These things are a godsend! They are made from sugars and essential oils–and taste great! . Just pop one in and suck all nausea away. However, at least for me, the effects only lasted as long as I was sucking on one. So I only used them when I absolutely need to be out and about for awhile. I would have not gotten through wedding dress shopping if it wasn’t for these pops.
  • Carbs: So I know only eating carbs is not healthy at all, but when you are that sick, you have to eat whatever sounds good. I could usually get down bread (even multigrain) and butter. Plain ramen noodles (no flavor packet or soy sauce) went alright too. I tried really hard to eat anything, because having an empty stomach makes nausea way worse. I was usually fine by dinner time if I could munch a little something during the day. But I still was careful and only ate simple things.
  • Coke: I am not a big soda drinker. The stuff is pretty much just liquid fat waiting to give you a heat attack or diabetes. I rarely ever drink it normally. But for me, it the only thing that will really settle my stomach. My mom would give us a little bit as kids if we were like projectile vomiting—and it worked every time. And when I am hungover, it’s the first and only thing I ask for. There are tons of reasons why people think coke works, but nothing has really be proven yet. My guess the sugar gives you energy, the potassium/sodium electrolytes re-energizer you, and that liquid hydrates you. All that being said, soda still has no nutritional value and really is just liquid fat. So I only used soda a last resort on the days I was really sick and had things to do. After the coke settle my stomach, I usually drank a few glasses of water to make up for it
  • Sleeping: I noticed pretty quickly the days that I had a good nights sleep, I could handle my nausea a lot better. I already have insomnia issues, so adding nausea and stress did not help.
  • Benadryl: Luckily my doctor said I could Benadryl as need to help me sleep and curb my nausea. And it worked! See My First Trimester post.
  • Small Meals: Eating a few bites at a time went over a lot better than trying to eat 3 meals a day. Like I said, by dinner time I was usually okay, but I still tried to keep it small.

My First Frimester

I am currently 22 weeks pregnant with a boy (check out my Gender Reveal Cake post on my other blog).  I didn’t start this blog earlier because, well, mainly I didn’t think of it sooner.

22 weeks and 5 days. Ignore my laundry on the floor…

Michael and I are planning on having another baby in a few years, and I was thinking of all the thing I don’t want to forget for next time. So I thought would write it down for myself and other people to learn from. I hope it can helps anyone who has a rough time in their first trimester like I did.

I am going to be honest, I hate being pregnant so far. Don’t get me wrong, I am very very grateful to be pregnant and already love my baby very much. But the process of making him sucks. Looking back now there are things I wish I did differently to make it easier in my first trimester:

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  • More prepared: My pregnancy was a surprise (and there is no shame in admitting that, it’s happen for centuries and it does not make it any less important to us), so I was not prepared for anything. I wish I had ginger tea, preggie pops, and coke (I know not healthy, I’ll explain later) stock piled in my house from the start. And before I found out I was pregnant, I originally thought I had a stomach bug or food poisoning so I had not been eating much. So when morning sickness really hit, I was kind of weak and not prepared to eat anything—which any pregnant women can tell you makes morning sickness worse. However, there is not much I could have done about this one (short of building a time machine and going into the past to tell myself). I also don’t think I could have avoided horrible morning sickness, it seems to run in my family.
  • Stay Calm: Do you know what sucks more than losing your job in a shady way for no reason? To lose your job the day after you find out you’re pregnant. I was so worried about everything the for the first few weeks that I stressed myself out.  How can I pay all my bills? Should I sell my brand new car? How will we eat? How will we pay rent? Then all the horrible things popped in my head. What if we are horrible parents? What if we are so broke they take the baby away from us? What is something is wrong with the baby, how will pay for care? What is something happens to me and I need care? What if I lose the baby? What if something happens to Michael? In the end, do you know what good all that worrying did? Nothing. I cried on the couch for days and made myself a nervous wreck for nothing. Everything has worked out very well so far. It was not easy for awhile, but I am so happy right now that I almost can’t believe it. I really think that emotions play a role in morning sickness too. Once I started to calm down, I started to feel better. And I think losing my job was the universe’s way of giving me a break. I could not have worked those 10 weeks or so, and would have just stressed myself out trying.
  • It’s okay to be sick: I was convinced that I need to be one of those women who never has morning sickness and gets everything done like Wonder Woman. I know I just said I needed those 10 weeks of rest, but I did not comprehend that at the time. I would beat myself up for not going to the grocery store or doing the laundry. As I was sitting next to the toilet waiting to puke again, I would start crying thinking of Michael hard at work earning money and I wasn’t even going to make him dinner. And on top of it he was being soooo sweet and taking care of me—and all the household chores! He would tell me he doesn’t mind and understand that I don’t feel good. That just made me feel worse. Now I look back and realize I was doing a very important job, making a baby! The first trimester is when your baby goes from a dot to mini human—and that is a lot of work for your body. And, Michael knows I am not a some spoiled princess who expects to be waited on for the rest of her life. I needed help and he loves me enough to give it it to me. Next time, I will give myself a break. I will focus on keeping myself and the baby healthy.
  • Drink More Smoothies: I had a hard time keeping anything but plain bread with butter or ramen noodles down for weeks. That is not a very healthy diet at all. A few times I made smoothies with berries and soy milk, and drank them slowly over the course of the day. They still upset my stomach, but as long I went slowly, I kept them down. I know the obvious answer is I should have done this everyday, but I felt so awful that forcing something down was the last thing I wanted to do. Plus I didn’t have a blender at the time, just an old school food processor that is a pain to clean. A few days ago we bought a NutriBullet and I am in love. Michael offered to buy me one months ago and I don’t know why I ever hesitated. It’s quick and easy to clean. Plus, they resealable, so even if the smoothie makes me sick, I could freeze it for later. I drink a smoothie almost every morning now, and will make myself next time I am in the my first trimester.

And there are somethings I did right and I will do next time around too:

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  • Help from Mom: Even before I told my mom I was pregnant, she knew something was up and throwing out dates for her to fly down. Once I told her the news, she pretty much was on the next flight here (she is the definition of someone dying to be grandma). She took care of me and helped around the house. I am still very grateful for her coming, it was a huge help. Plus nothing helps you feel better like a hug from your mom.
  • Acupuncture: I had acupuncture for the first time while I was in Hawaii to treat insomnia and recover from my car accident. I loved it (major shout out to Kim, you are seriously an amazing healer, check her out if you are on the Big Island). I found a deal on Groupon for 3 sessions at a place in Campbell and decided to give it a dry for my morning sickness. I did not really like the acupuncturist, but the sessions did help. I went from the room spinning and wanting to throw up every time I stood to just an upset stomach and headache when I walked around too much. It wasn’t a 100% improvement, but when you are that sick, anything is better.
  • Benadryl: When you have already existing insomnia and add nausea, you are guaranteed to not get any sleep. I had all day to take a nap and recover, but I kept Michael up too. The doctor said I could take 1-2 Benadryl as need to help me sleep and reduce morning sickness. At first I was reluctant to take any medication, but I realized it wasn’t doing me or the baby any good to be exhausted and sick all the time. So I tried some Benadryl a few nights a week and it was amazing! I slept and my stomach calmed down. I still needed to lay down for bit and munch on crackers before I could really start my day, but it was an improvement for sure.
  • Not reading ahead:  I knew a bit about pregnancy and babies already. I love kids and have babysat for years. I also was thinking of becoming a neonatal nurse for awhile too. But somehow I got this crazy idea that it would be a great to get all the baby/pregnancy books and be totally informed right away. It started to skim through them, and got slightly overwhelmed. So I decided to return them and just look on sites like babycenter.com week by week or just for that trimester. My mom bought me The Everything Vegan Pregnancy Book, which I read as needed. Why make yourself worry each time something new happens? Or the books says something should happen and doesn’t? Plus who really needs to read about episiotomies when you still your baby is still the size of blueberry?

There are two things I am still not sure were the best idea, but would not go back and change them:

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  • First Trimester Marriage: I am not saying I regret marrying Michael. Not at all. I fell in love with him on our first date and knew he was the one about a month later. I wake up every morning grateful to have such an amazing man next to me. I am saying that is was very stressful planning a wedding when I was feeling like death. We had a trip to Vegas booked for Michael’s birthday anyways, so decided just getting married while we were there was easier. My mom was all excited and want to start booking everything right away. Did you pick a place? What about a dress? Upgrade your room to a suite? Where are you going for dinner? What show do you want to see? All that is a lot to deal with when you can’t even keep water down and are already stressed. However, I am not sure I would have wanted to wait until I felt better. I liked not needing a maternity dress. I got the dress of my dreams (curve hugging trumpet with a sweetheart neckline and pearl beading). I liked that I could still run around The Strip in cute little mini dresses and feel like a sexy new bride. Also, I was not showing so I didn’t get the “Why is she even here? Shouldn’t she be home resting? I bet she is drunk, too!” judgmental looks. I loved my wedding and love my husband, so I cannot complain. And maybe it’s just my warped sense of humor, but it’s kind of funny to say I had a shotgun wedding in Vegas!
  • The Belly Band: Like most women, I went through that “bloated but not really showing” phase. My normal pants just barely didn’t fit, but I wasn’t big enough for maternity pants. So I bought a Belly Band. I read the reviews first, and the most common complaint was that it unravels if you wash it a lot, especially in hot water. I decided it would be fine to just wash it as need with Michael’s delicate bike clothes and never dry it. I have to say it did the basic job. I could wear my normal pants unbuttoned and it did not look weird. Just looked like I had a tank top on underneath. However, the band does not stay up that well, which annoyed me. It didn’t fall directly off or expose my unbuttoned pants. But I wanted it to stay around my lower belly, over my button, and go down a half inch or so. It would slide a little and cover only two of the three areas I wanted. It was only $20 so it was not a giant waste of money, so meh.